I have come to realize that I just have too much on my plate, and it may be inhibiting the child-bearing process. I try to do so much and be the very best mom/wife/sister/daughter/employee I can be, and I have made body sick with stress because of it. So today I cut something out: my baby group.
Six months ago I organized Auburn Mommies and Babies so that Paul and I could make friends and have fun. It was fun, and we did make friends, but I also jumped in to something that took many, many hours to organize, carry out and follow up with. Sometimes I would spend four or five hours on the computer each night looking up events or looking for ideas, posting pictures and comments, recruiting members and keeping things in order. Then I would spend money making/buying snacks, craft materials and toys, so that we could carry out an event that sometimes nobody showed up to. Don't get me wrong, I loved it (mostly because I am an absolute control freak, and what could be better than my very own group to organize and run?), but it was so time consuming.
In addition, I was struggling to find time to work on the house repairs, and working tons of overtime so we could afford the house repairs. There was just no time for anything relaxing. No relaxing means a sad body, and a sad, tired body means no baby. No time with Daddy also means no baby, and that was a whole other issue I won't go into here.
I closed down the group today with the promise to keep in touch and still get together so the babies can play, and I look forward to all the time I am going to get back for other things.
So why am I sad? Besides missing all the great moms and kids, I am going to miss everything that made it too much for me. I thrive on stress. It is my drug of choice and it is hard for me to have nothing to do, even on purpose, even if it is only a few hours of nothing. I always have to have every second of the day filled.
Maybe I can take a yoga class or something...