How To Replace A Bathroom Floor

Just in case you were thinking of replacing your seriously outdated bathroom floor because the toilet is leaking and has caused the floor to rot and sink down, I have outlined the following steps:

1. Hire somebody else to do it for you.

In the event that you cannot afford to hire somebody to do the work for you, or you are feeling especially bored and adventurous and have nothing better to do with an entire week of your life, here is outline B:

1. Remove the toilet. This involves turning off the water, flushing the toilet, and then syphoning out the remaining water. Next, place the toilet in the bathtub to get it out of the way (note: this only works if you have another shower or can bother the neighbors to use theirs for a few days).

2. Grab a crowbar and hammer and do a few muscle stretches because you are about to get a major workout. It is incredibly difficult to peel up linoleum that has been stuck in the same place for a million years, so hopefully you have some great arm strength and a strong back. If you are really adventurous you can pretend to be oblivious to the fact that you are working in very close contact with a cancer-causing substance (our linoleum is lined with asbestos underneath and I will probably be dead by this time next year) and not wear a dust mask. After you remove the linoleum, use a hammer and crowbar to pull up the rotten sub floor, and a saw to cut out the rotted joists under that.

3. Measure and cut the new joists and sub floor and install them using really long nails to hold everything together. This is the easiest part of the whole job, especially if you have your husband do it while you take pictures and blog about the process.

4. Caulk around all edges, especially around the toilet or anywhere there may possibly ever be water. This will not protect the floor or sub floor, but it will help keep the joists from rotting, should this ever happen again.

5. Take a break for three days. You can use the excuse that you have other things going on such as multiple playgroups, fantasy football draft, etc if you feel bad.

6. Install the wood laminate flooring. This is probably not the best thing to put in the bathroom due to it's relatively low tolerance for water, but if you happen to have some left over from installing the kitchen floor (and your husband promises you can remodel the entire bathroom in the future), then just go with it. Anything is better than cracking, wet, yellowed asbestos-lined 1950's linoleum.

7. Move the toilet from the bathtub to its proper place and turn the water back on. Celebrate when water does not immediately start flowing from the base.

8. Install the baseboards (we have not done this yet, and considering the rate of baseboard installation in this house, we probably will not get this done until some time next year).

9. Have a glass of whatever you like best to drink, and try not to think of your next home improvement project.

Good luck!!!